


What's Left of Me Now

by reeology



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe, Amnesia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Reincarnation kind of, Sora and Roxas are twins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-03
Updated: 2015-02-03
Packaged: 2018-03-10 09:12:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3284840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reeology/pseuds/reeology
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roxas is in a skateboarding accident and loses his memory...or does he find his old memory? After waking up in the hospital, Roxas can only remember his life in the Organization, and he now has to get used to a new world, a new Axel, and a new life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2011 for Divina/thewriteryoufools as part of help_japan.
> 
> If you want to be KH trash with me, follow me on tumblr! Username is reeology.

Roxas could tell from the sigh beneath his cheek that Axel was still awake. He cracked open one eye and peered up at him in the two-tone darkness of their bedroom. The curtains were drawn, so the only light in the room came from the neon green numbers on the clock, washing Axel's skin in a somewhat acidic glow that almost matched his eyes.

"Stop sulking and go to sleep," Axel mumbled.

"Shut up. I'm just thinking."

Axel shifted beneath him to wriggle an arm around his back. But instead of the cuddle Roxas was expecting, Axel pinched him right in his ticklish spot underneath his ribcage.

"Hey!" Roxas kicked him from underneath the covers. "What was that for?"

"For trying to get me to take such obvious bait when I'm trying to sleep," came Axel's gravelly reply. The mix of sleepiness and chain-smoking made his voice deep and rough in a way that still had Roxas's toes curling despite his irritation.

Roxas shifted to prop himself up, careful not to dig his bony elbows into anything vital like Axel's spleen or his dick, and squinted at his boyfriend through the pale green glow. "Rent's due tomorrow," he said, like that explained everything.

Predictably, Axel pulled his pillow over his face and groaned. "So?"

"So, I want to help out this time."

They both knew how this conversation went. They'd had it almost every month since they'd started living together, and the outcome had yet to change. Axel pulled the pillow off his head and glared at him.

"It's fine," Axel said, a bit too sharply. Roxas balked at the bite in his tone, and Axel groaned again, pulling Roxas flush against him with both arms. "That came out bitchy, but you know what I meant. You don't have to offer every month. It's okay, you're still a student. I've got it."

Roxas lay stiffly for a moment, pride and stubbornness warring against how nice it felt to be held. When Axel started rubbing his back, he sighed and hesitantly rested his head on Axel's bare shoulder.

"Okay?" Axel grunted.

He pouted at Axel's shoulder. It wasn't as potent as Sora's pout, and it was too dark to see, but he felt like it accomplished something anyway. "What if I get a part-time job?"

"You've said that every the day rent's been due for the last six months."

He sank guiltily into the mattress and resisted the urge to kick him again. "Yeah, but this time I mean it."

"Whatever makes you happy," Axel said in the sappy kind of tone that made Roxas snort, and he kissed the top of his head.

Roxas felt like it was a brush-off, but as he fell asleep he decided that he really did mean it this time. Even if it was a shitty courier job, he was determined to be employed by this time next month.

 * * *

Roxas was awake before Axel, which was suspicious to begin with. Even stranger was the fact that he'd made breakfast (biscuits from a canister) and had started a pot of coffee. It was actually the smell of the coffee that woke Axel and inevitably had him shuffling, zombie-like, into their tiny kitchen.

"Good morning," Roxas said, far too pleasant compared to his normal bear-in-hibernation routine in the mornings.

Axel had always thought one of the reasons they made such a good pair was because they both hated waking up. This morning person bullshit was just too much, and all Axel could do was blink at him and scratch his stubble.

"That's okay. You don't have to say anything." Grinning, Roxas produced a newspaper from behind his back and set it down on the table in front of him.

Axel looked down at it, wiped the sleep from his eyes, and looked again. It was from the Help Wanted section, and Roxas had circled one of the jobs. Not in red pen like one would have expected; it was one of Naminé's sparkly pink pens, and Axel snorted and covered his mouth before he got in trouble for laughing at it.

But Roxas could tell anyway—he pouted, taking the newspaper and rolling it up, and stuffed it into the tight back pocket of his jeans. "It was the only pen I could find, asshole. Did you even read the listing?"

"No," Axel said, his first word of the morning. It sounded rumbly and sleep-warmed. He smacked his lips and looked at the coffee maker like that would make it percolate faster. "It's too early to read. Enlighten me?"

"It's a courier job." Roxas was bouncing on his toes a little like he did when he didn't think anyone was looking. Or like he did around Axel when he was really excited and just wouldn't admit it. "I could start this week and start bringing home a paycheck by the end of the month," he continued, almost too casually, as he walked to the cupboard and pulled down two coffee mugs. They were white with red flowers, because Roxas had wanted "real people" dishes when they got the apartment together, which apparently translated to "gay people" dishes. But they were both, so it was okay.

"And you probably already called and asked to take it," Axel guessed, knowing he was right when Roxas's back straightened and he almost spilled the coffee as he poured.

"Just being proactive," he said defensively. He set one of the mugs in front of Axel and folded his arms. "Besides, I can do what I want. It's not like I need your permission to get a job."

Axel grinned. "And even if you did, you'd probably do it anyway. That's why I love you."

Roxas stammered, and Axel laughed. "You're too easy sometimes."

Roxas stomped over to the counter and slammed two biscuits on a plate. "I'm not easy," he snapped, thrusting the plate toward Axel. "Eat a biscuit, asshole."

Oh, now that was just too easy. "I'd rather eat your asshole," he teased with a wink.

Choking, Roxas lobbed one of the biscuits at Axel's head. "Gross! That's totally not appropriate for breakfast. I'm trying to talk about our financial future, here."

"Yeah, yeah. What do you want me to say? I'm fine with it." He held up his coffee mug like a salute. "Good luck. Don't forget about school."

Roxas seemed to calm down at that. He nodded, a smile threatening to break out, and bent to retrieve the biscuit he'd thrown. "Thanks. I think it'll be fun."

Axel snorted and slurped his coffee. "Just be safe," he said after he'd swallowed, and gave him a rakish grin. "I've heard courier jobs can be dangerous."

Famous last words.

 * * *

Being a courier was awesome. It was like Roxas's dream job. His boss let him use his skateboard instead of a bike, so he could zip in and out of traffic comfortably, feeling confident and at home as he glided along. The first drop-off was easy: a bundle of legal papers to a law firm, a quick hello-thank-you-goodbye, and then he was on his way again.

His messenger bag was digging into his shoulder, so he adjusted the strap before he pushed off. He spared a moment to look inside the bag at his next delivery—one of those envelopes with bubble wrap padding—and squinted at the address. He wasn't entirely sure where that was, so he dug out his map and studied it as he rolled along the street toward the stoplight.

He didn't even see the car. What he saw were the shocked faces of pedestrians and drivers when he looked up at the sound of a car horn blaring, followed by the screech of breaks. Then he felt the impact in his hips, the pain numbed by shock—the hood of the car as he flipped over it, and then asphalt.

Bizarrely, his last coherent thought as he lay there was, _Not on my first day_. Behind that thought in the space behind his eyes was a picture of Axel's face, and then darkness.

Courier jobs could be dangerous.


	2. Chapter 2

When Roxas woke up, there was a strange green glow in the corner. Soft exhalations and rustling. He tried to sit up, but a dizzying pain in his head and a strange tug in his arm bade him stop. His instincts told him to stay still, survey the situation, and he held his breath as he took stock of his surroundings.

There was a tube in his arm, covered in tape, leading to a machine that whispered and beeped in the darkness. His head hurt.

The green light in the corner blinked out, and a black shape took form behind it. "Roxas? Are you awake?"

That was Axel's voice, sounding a little rougher than he was used to. Roxas was rushed with relief but didn't let himself relax.

"Axel? Where am I?" he asked, and immediately noticed how dry and cotton-like his mouth felt. He licked his lips and ached for a glass of water but didn't dare voice the desire.

"You're in the hospital." Axel shifted, and light suddenly flooded the room. The fluorescent lights overhead stuttered before strengthening. Axel was crossing the distance between them, kneeling at his bedside and taking his hand.

Everything was white; the bed, the sheets, the floor, the walls. It was comforting, like Castle Oblivion, especially with the blackness outside the curtained window. Roxas stared at all of this, and then at Axel, and frowned when he noticed something long and black sticking out of Axel's mouth.

He stared at it. "What is that?"

Axel's eyes crossed as he looked down his nose at the protruding black object. Then he grinned, pulled it out from between his teeth, and waved it at Roxas. "E-cigarette," he said brightly. "When you were unconscious, I..."

Roxas looked blank. "What?"

"Well." Axel rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "I promised you that if you woke up I'd give up smoking. I thought I ought to be optimistic and get a head start."

"Smoking?"

"Yeah, smoking—hey, are you okay?" He leaned over Roxas, tiny eyebrows furrowed with concern.

And then Roxas noticed it. Or rather, didn't notice it. The space below Axel's eyes: white, flawless skin. No tattoos. Not to mention Axel was wearing unfamiliar clothes—a hoodie with the sleeves pushed up, faded jeans, and black sneakers with white stars.

He pushed him away. "What happened to you?"

Axel's face turned slightly pink, and he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. That, at least, was a familiar gesture. "Don't make me say it, man. I'm just, you know. Glad you're okay."

Roxas glowered. "That's not what I meant. You look different. What are you wearing?"

Raising his eyebrows, Axel looked down at himself and blinked. And then blinked again. "Jeans and a hoodie?"

Roxas frowned a little harder and nodded, trying to soak it in. Axel didn't seem concerned. Were they in a new world, maybe?

"And the shoes?" he prompted.

"Uh." Axel stuck out his foot. "Converse?"

Whatever that was. He pursed his lips and looked down at himself; he was wearing a sickly green gown and, if he wasn't mistaken, nothing else. He blushed a little. "What are we doing out of uniform?"

To Roxas's further alarm, Axel just looked confused. He was staring at Roxas like he was just seeing him for the first time.

"What?"

"Nothing." Axel shook his head. "I told you, you're in the hospital. And I don't wear a uniform anymore. I quit that job like two years ago." Gently, he brushed his fingers through Roxas's bangs and stared at him some more. He was biting his lip.

Roxas shifted beneath Axel's touch. His first instinct was to pull away, to grab Axel's arm and pin it behind his back, give him a few good whacks with the keyblade—but something much more instinctive had him leaning into it with a sigh.

"I didn't know you could quit the Organization," he murmured. His heart was a slow, heavy thud in his chest. Something about Axel's fingers in his hair made him feel safe and relaxed.

Axel's eyes dimmed. He pulled his hand away and crammed it in his hoodie pocket. "I should probably let your doctor know you're awake." He hesitated, then gave Roxas a final pat on the head and pushed himself to his feet. "I'll be right back."

Roxas squinted, trying to remember where he was. The only doctor he'd ever known was Vexen, and he was… Well. He didn't want to think about the people they'd lost, even if it was at Axel's hand. All he needed was a Potion for his headache and he'd be good to go.

But Axel was his friend—the one who'd told him what a friend even was—so Roxas trusted him. He'd lay here and wait as long as it took for Axel to come back.

 * * *

Roxas's doctor was tall, blond, and frightened Axel's testicles. He was icy in a way that was almost cruel, but Axel was never one to be deterred, especially not when his possibly amnesiac boyfriend was lying supine in a hospital bed.

"Yo," he called when he saw—agh, what was his name? Vexen something. Dr. Vexen. Whatever. "Hey, Doc. Roxas is awake."

Dr. Vexen turned to him with sharp eyes. "What?"

"He just woke up like five minutes ago. I think something's wrong with him."

Dr. Vexen's face didn't change, but he projected an air of urgency as he strode toward Roxas's room. "What happened?"

Trotting alongside him, Axel cringed and admitted, "I don't know. It's just like—you know, he doesn't remember stuff. He knew who I was but not that I like Converse and don't wear a uniform to work anymore."

Dr. Vexen pulled open the door and flipped on the rest of the flickery fluorescent lights in the room.

Roxas went white, his eyes wide and round like dinner plates. He stared at Dr. Vexen as he walked to the edge of Roxas's bed, and then started to shake.

"Is everything okay?" Dr. Vexen asked in that icy tone he used for everyone.

"You're alive," Roxas breathed, still looking shaken. He crawled forward and experimentally poked Dr. Vexen in the cheek. "I don't…but…" He glanced at Axel and frowned. "I thought Axel killed you."

Dr. Vexen paused. "I'm very well, as far as I know, and I don't believe this gentleman has ever made an attempt on my life." He looked at Axel from the corner of his eye and arched an eyebrow. "Have I treated either of you before?"

"Uh." Axel scrubbed a hand through his hair and squinted. He thought he'd remember that blood-curdling stare anywhere, but... "Not that I know of. Roxas?"

Roxas shook his head frantically. "No. I mean, he's in charge of research. You know that. But I just…how are you alive?"

Axel and Dr. Vexen stared at each other for a moment that felt more like hours. Finally, Dr. Vexen picked up Roxas's chart and scribbled on it. "Would you mind giving us a few minutes alone?" he asked Axel.

 _Yes_ , Axel thought. But what he said was, "Sure, that's fine." And then he looked at Roxas, his poor Roxas, and touched his knee through the thin hospital blanket. "I'll be outside, okay?"

Roxas turned vaguely pink and moved his leg out of Axel's reach. "Yeah, okay."

When he pulled away, something in Axel's heart cracked. Axel retreated, stung, and swallowed the sarcasm that rose in response. He had to remind himself that Roxas wasn't—well, Roxas wasn't himself right now, and he probably didn't know what he was doing. In a day or two he'd remember kicking Axel out of the hospital room and either laugh or apologize or both. No big deal.

Numbly, Axel nodded and withdrew from the room, shutting the door behind him. Maybe it was time to bring in the big guns.

 * * *

Sora and Riku were sitting in the waiting room, curled up together like cats. Actually, it was just Sora doing the cat impression, sprawled with his head in Riku's lap, his long legs and gigantic shoes taking up two extra chairs. He had his hands folded across his stomach and his eyes closed, but it was obvious by the way his thumbs were twitching and his mouth was pinched that he was still awake. He was just as worried as Axel.

"Hey," Axel said as he stopped in front of them. Sora's eyes flew open and he sat up so fast he nearly cracked his head on Riku's chin. Axel had a brief moment of guilt for not coming to get them sooner.

"How is he?" Sora asked. He looked like he would have been climbing over the chairs to get the information out of Axel if it hadn't been for Riku's steady presence and even steadier hand at his back.

Crap, he really should have thought this through. Now that he was here, he didn't know what to say. He knew he looked like an idiot, just standing there with his mouth open and pressure forming behind his eyes, but he still couldn't make the words come out.

"He's going to be fine," Riku whispered, his mouth near Sora's ear.

Sora slumped against him and closed his eyes. "I know that. He has to be. I just wanna talk to him, is all. I wish he'd wake up."

"He is awake," Axel managed to say, sounding strangled. Sora nearly knocked Riku out of his chair in his rush to race to the door. Axel had to brace himself just to grab his arm, absorbing the impact of Sora at full force to prevent him from bursting into the ward.

Sora's eyes, so much like Roxas's, looked betrayed. "What are you doing? Let me see him!"

Axel's heart broke a little bit more. "You can't go back there yet. The doctor's with him." He hesitated. "I think something's wrong with him."

"He's my twin," Sora said in that firm tone he got sometimes, usually when he had a crazy idea like rescuing all the crickets in the metropolitan area or giving popsicles to all the homeless people on hot days. "I don't care what happened, I have to see him."

He squeezed Sora's arm harder. "Just listen to me. I think… Fuck, there's no easy way to say with this. His memory's all fucked up. I think he might have amnesia."

Sora's arms dropped, as did his jaw. He looked crushed for a moment, but then he was shaking his head, pushing open the double doors that led to the ward. "He's my twin, there's no way he won't remember me. We're the same." He ran into the hall and let the doors swing listlessly, anticlimactically behind him.

In the waiting room, Riku looked at Axel and held his gaze for a moment. "Is it true?"

Axel bristled. "No, man, I just made it up to fuck with you guys. Look at my face, Riku. Am I laughing?"

"No."

"Then it wasn't a joke. It's true." Saying the words almost deflated him, and he sank sideways into one of the cushioned chairs. Despite the cushion, it was still hard, like it was reminding everyone who sat in it not to get too comfortable because they had a loved one down the hall who was, despite all the teddy bears and balloons and greeting cards, not okay. At least Axel's loved one was awake, but now that he was, Axel wasn't sure if that was such a good thing.

They'd know more after Sora checked up on him. Maybe Roxas would recall his memories of Axel in time, and they could start over—or maybe Axel was just going to have to make Roxas fall in love with him all over again. Losing him wasn't an option.

Sora burst back in. "Riku. Are you coming?"

Calmly, Riku stood up and crossed to Sora, curling his hand gently around his elbow. He looked down at him in that obnoxiously adoring way he had and nodded. "I'm right behind you."

Axel rolled his eyes at their schmoopy antics. Riku and Sora were kind of a one trick pony when it came to all the lovey-doveyness. That kind of shit was only cute when he and Roxas did it, and that only happened when there weren't any witnesses around.

Or at least it used to. His heart sank a little at the reminder that Roxas might never remember him again. He slumped forward in his seat, cradling his face in his hands, and sighed so long and deep that his back cracked.

"It'll be okay," Sora said, making him jump. Axel had assumed from his silence that he'd either left or started making out with his boyfriend. Sora was standing right behind him, and he patted him on the back lightly enough that Riku (probably) wouldn't get jealous. When Axel looked up, Sora was smiling bravely. "No matter what happens, he's still Roxas. I'm sure it will work out."

"Right." Axel tried to crack a grin in return, but it felt hollow. He tucked his hands between his knees, put his head down, and closed his eyes. Maybe when he opened them again Roxas would be okay.

 * * *

Roxas knew who Sora was the second he opened the door. At the Castle, he'd only uncovered hints and a few details, but there was no denying the feeling he got when he locked eyes with Sora. They were the same eyes, and he felt an undeniable sense of connection, of wholeness, of astral projection when he saw them.

"I'm sorry," Vexen said, catching the door before Sora could come in. "I'm evaluating him right now. You'll have to come back later."

Sora looked sucker-punched; his eyes were watery and his face was crestfallen. He stared at Roxas longingly, then stubbornly, and said, "I'm his brother."

And if that wasn't weird enough, Vexen actually looked sympathetic for a moment before he said, "I'm very sorry, but you'll have to come back later. I'll come get you when I'm done, if you want."

Sora pursed his lips like he was going to argue, but then he just nodded his head and sent one more desperate glance in Roxas's direction. "I'll be back. I promise," he said, and then bowed out of the room and shut the door.

Vexen wasted no time. "Can you tell me what day it is, Roxas?"

"Day three-hundred and twenty-one," he said, trying to shake the weird feelings from seeing Sora and Vexen again. He knew the answer to that question, at least; he had a very meticulous record of every day since the day he'd first arrived at Castle Oblivion.

That was apparently the wrong answer, however, because Vexen's eyebrows drew downwards, and he pressed his lips together as he marked something on the clipboard. "I see. And can you tell me what year it is?"

"Year…one?" That was kind of the point of three-hundred and twenty-one days, wasn't it? It hadn't been a year yet.

Vexen looked up at him, a cross between pitying and judgmental. "Do you know your name?"

"Roxas."

"…and your last name?"

He frowned. "I don't have one."

"I see." Vexen wrote something else. "Let's move on to something else. Do you have a family history of seizures, headaches, depression, or cancer?"

Vexen was fucking with him. He knew it. He'd faked his own death and now he was screwing with Roxas's head. "I don't have a family."

"That's…" Vexen hesitated, his pen hovering over the clipboard, and narrowed his eyes. "Are you being completely honest with these answers?"

"Of course," Roxas snorted. People didn't lie to the Chilly Academic and get away with it. If you messed with Vexen you got an icicle up your ass—unless you were Axel, apparently.

Except no, wait, Vexen was alive; he was standing right in front of him.

"This is so confusing," Roxas groaned, slumping forward to cradle his face in his hands. His head still throbbed.

"I'm sure it is," Vexen said in that weirdly empathetic tone. He clicked his pen and slid it into the pocket of his lab coat. "I think I know the answer to this question, but do you have any idea who has your power of attorney?"

Roxas rubbed his temples, frowning. "What's that?"

Vexen sighed. "It's the person who can make legal decisions for you in case of, ah, outstanding circumstances."

He shut his eyes. He still didn't know what that meant, but he knew who he wanted to make his decisions for him. "Axel. It's definitely Axel."

"Oh." There was surprise in Vexen's voice. When Roxas looked at him, his eyes were round, but that was the only other indication of shock. "I see. Is he your registered domestic partner, then?"

Roxas managed a faint nod. "He's my partner, yeah."

Clipping Roxas's chart back to the bed, Vexen gave him a chilly smile and said, "I'd like to have a talk with him, then. And in the meantime, I'll send a nurse in to give you something for that headache."

Roxas stared at him as he left. He could barely think through the pain in his head, and bizarre conversations with courteous-and-very-much-alive doctors weren't helping. He hoped the nurse brought a Hi-Potion, because he felt like he needed it.

 * * *

"After conducting some routine amnesia tests, I'd like to have him evaluated by the staff psychiatrist," Dr. Vexen said, not even bothering to greet them with something courteous like a hello. He just walked right up to them in the waiting room, flipped open a folder, and started talking. "He's physically very healthy, but some of the things he's said have led me to believe he may be delusional. In that case, I would strongly recommend in-patient therapy in the psychiatric ward."

Axel jumped out of his seat. "You want to put Roxas in the mental ward?"

Riku frowned at Axel, putting a firm hand on Sora's shoulder to discourage him from following suit and leaping out of his chair. "If it's best for him, I don't see why not."

"Precisely," Dr. Vexen said, looking warmed—well, okay, not warmed, but pleased—that someone had the intelligence to agree with him. "We'll know more after he's been evaluated."

"No." Axel almost surprised himself with the strength of his voice. It was raw. Having Roxas in the hospital was bad enough, but someone telling Roxas he was crazy and then putting him away—there was no way Axel was going to let that happen.

Dr. Vexen raised his eyebrows coolly. "I can assure you we have a very fine facility here. The staff treats our patients with respect and dignity, and outside of therapy there are multiple entertainment outlets, such as arts and crafts—"

"Roxas hates arts and crafts," Sora blurted, his eyes as wide and worried as Axel felt. He clutched Riku's hand and said, "You can't make him go, can you?"

Dr. Vexen sighed. "No, not unless he's deemed a danger to himself or others." His eyes flicked back down to the folder, and he pursed his lips. "Aside from some lacerations and bruising, he's in fine physical condition, so if he's considered safe by the psychiatrist, he can be prepared for discharge tomorrow morning."

Axel and Sora shared a look of relief.

"That sounds great," Axel said, sinking hesitantly back into his chair. He felt a little embarrassed now by his outburst, but not enough to apologize. And the embarrassment quickly faded as he grinned and thought about Roxas coming home with him tomorrow. "I'll pick him up whenever. I'll just get here when visiting hours are open and wait, if that's okay."

Dr. Vexen had a pinched expression, but he nodded. "It all depends on the evaluation, of course. But if he's cleared, that will be fine."

"Good," Axel said. He was counting on it.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, Axel picked up his apparently delusional boyfriend with equal parts trepidation and excitement. He hugged Roxas before he could stop himself, and apparently that was okay with Roxas's fantasy or delusion or whatever because he hugged him back and smiled. At least until they got to Axel's motorcycle.

"You've gotta be kidding me," Roxas said, poking the seat with a look of distrust.

"Nope." Cheerfully, Axel unhooked two helmets from the back of the bike. He laughed at Roxas's horrified face. "Come on, it's not so bad. Safer than a skateboard, anyway."

Roxas stared. "Huh?"

"Oh. I guess you don't remember, huh." Smile fading, Axel put on his helmet and buckled the chinstrap before he settled Roxas's helmet over his spiky hair. "That was probably out of line, so maybe it's for the best. I've never had a great bedside manner."

"Um, sure." Roxas copied Axel's actions and buckled the strap, tightening it until it was secure.

"Except when we're in bed," Axel said, half to himself, and couldn't help grinning even wider. He swung one leg over his bike to straddle it and patted the seat behind him. "Come on, you're in the bitch seat."

"Bitch seat?" Clutching his small plastic bag of personal effects (toothbrush, toothpaste, hairbrush—the random crap Axel had brought for him), he slid onto the seat and kicked Axel's ankle. "You're the bitch, bitch."

It was so normal that Axel turned around, ready to reach out and kiss him, but Roxas leaned away and Axel's heart sank. He cleared his throat and swiveled around to turn on the petcock, pull out the choke, and turn on the ignition. Behind him, Roxas scooted closer and clasped his arms around his waist.

Under normal circumstances, Axel would have told him to quit being a pussy, but there was something vulnerable about delusional Roxas that made him want to say something reassuring. But Roxas wouldn't like that under any circumstances, so he kept quiet, walking the bike to the end of the hospital drive with the engine rumbling between his thighs.

And then, because he just couldn't help himself, he revved the engine and said, "Ready, babe?"

Roxas's reply was lost as Axel pushed off and the engine and the wind blocked everything out. He maybe did it on purpose, just so he wouldn't have to hear Roxas's indignation (or worse, his rejection).

The ride to their apartment made him wish he'd waited around to hear it, because so far things were going okay. Roxas's chin was digging into his shoulder, plastered against his back in a way that was familiar and warm. His hands were near Axel's belt buckle, and it reminded Axel of why taking his bike instead of Roxas's car was always worth it despite the inevitable chapped lips and bugs on his visor.

He could almost fool himself until they got to the complex, if he could even call it that—it was a series of duplexes crowded together like a suburb, except they were all cookie cutter replicas and they had to walk to the end of the block to check their mail and take out their trash. Their duplex was much smaller than a regular house in the suburbs, too, but it worked for them. One bedroom, one bathroom, a kitchen and a living room. Their washer and dryer was stacked, taking up half a closet in the bedroom, and they had a countertop dishwasher.

Cozy, Axel had said when they first looked at it. Suffocating, Roxas had said. And yet the moment they'd stepped inside, they'd both known this was where they were going to live together.

Now, six and a half months later, Roxas approached the apartment with the same kind of nervous hesitance as a new pet. He crept inside on the balls of his feet, careful not to make noise, and systematically began investigating every room, opening every drawer, every cabinet. He even twisted off the cap of Axel's shampoo to smell it, then looked stunned and emotional for a moment before he put it back.

"This is where I live?" he asked. He sounded incredulous, almost insulted.

Axel tried not to take it too personally. Leaning his shoulder against the door frame, he watched as Roxas investigated the medicine cabinet and said, "Well, not in this room specifically. This is the bathroom. You live in the bedroom."

Roxas blinked at him. "And where do you live?"

He swallowed. "In the bedroom. With you."

"But there's only one bed."

"That's kinda the point." Axel inched closer, watching Roxas's face for signs of fear. Roxas backpedaled until his calves hit the tub, and then he braced himself, knees bent, and dropped into what Axel could only describe as a battle stance—something he'd never seen Roxas do before. He was so startled that he actually backed away. "Roxas, man, what're you doing?"

"You were cornering me," Roxas said, like that was enough. He looked petulant, which was a lot more familiar, but there was still an almost animalistic gleam in his eye that made Axel think twice before pushing it.

"I thought you trusted me," he said instead, because that was one of the things that didn't seem to have changed. Roxas had seemed almost relieved to be going home with Axel.

Eyebrows furrowing, Roxas dropped the battle stance and looked frustrated instead. "I do. I'm just—I'm confused. You're not acting like you normally do, and I...I feel...."

Axel's heart skipped a beat. "You feel what?"

"I don't know. Sad. Looking at you makes my heart ache and I don't know why."

Very suddenly, the larger picture of what was going on occurred to Axel. As in literally, a picture—Axel standing with his arms outstretched in front of Roxas, his now-insane boyfriend, who was crouched by the bath tub in the house they'd shared for six months. It was absurd, and the only thing he could do was laugh and shake his head.

Of course, that just made Roxas pissed. "Don't laugh at me! I just told you something really personal and that's how you react!?"

Axel waved him off, holding his stomach. "It's not like that. I'm sorry I make your heart hurt or whatever." He sobered a bit. "For what it's worth, you make my heart hurt too."

"But we don't have hearts," Roxas whispered, so softly Axel almost didn't hear it. His shoulders slumped, and he picked up the bottle of shampoo again and stared at it woodenly. "Or at least I didn't think so. I remember I told you I'd feel something inside of me if I had one…"

"No wonder you flunked anatomy," Axel said, cracking a failing smile. He took the shampoo from Roxas and purposely brushed their fingers, watching for a reaction. Roxas just turned pink and let it go.

"I know plenty of anatomy." It was the easy bantering tone Axel was used to, and Axel almost took it the wrong way—the dirty way it normally would have been intended—but he caught sight of Roxas's far-away look before he did anything scandalous.

Putting the shampoo down, he took a few more steps into Roxas's personal bubble, cautious not to spook him. "Do you know why we share a house and a bed?"

Roxas blinked at him. "Because there's not a lot of room?"

Christ. With his head injury, Roxas was just as bad as Sora.

 _Should I tell him?_ Axel wondered for a brief moment, followed immediately by the mental image of Roxas ripping into him (if he ever recovered his memories) for treating him like such a delicate fucking flower when he was perfectly capable of taking care of himself.

Right, then. He'd just be honest. The Roxas standing in front of him was the same Roxas he'd gone to bed with last week, and no matter how delusional he was, he probably still hated being deceived.

"We were, uh…" He scratched the back of his neck, floundering for an appropriate word. What a shitty time to suddenly have semantic issues. Lover almost made him gag—that was more of a dopey Sora and Riku word—but boyfriend felt too weak. Lifemates? Soulmates? He felt like they were soulmates, but he didn't want to freak him out or anything.

"We were what?" Roxas asked.

"Partners," Axel said finally, looking nervously into Roxas's eyes. At the confusion he saw there, he elaborated, "Romantic life partners, as hokey as it sounds. We were in love. Or I was, anyway, but I'm pretty sure you were too."

The confusion didn't leave. Roxas just stared at him. "What does that mean?"

Resisting the urge to plop Roxas down in front of urbandictionary.com and let him figure everything out on his own, Axel slowly took Roxas's hand—very, very slowly, especially when Roxas looked like he might bolt—and squeezed his fingers. "Something kinda like this, I guess?"

Roxas wrinkled his nose. "Your hand is sweaty."

"Well, you're making me kind of nervous, here." He wiped his other hand on his jeans and scooted closer, inching their faces together until he could feel Roxas's breath on his lips. Roxas's eyes were big and scared, but there was something familiar a little deeper inside them—something like arousal. Axel nudged Roxas's nose with his, and then kissed him. Chastely. But when there was no immediate refusal (or punch to the face, like there had been with their first kiss), he went in a second time and brushed his tongue along Roxas's lower lip.

Roxas inhaled sharply, and his hand clenched around Axel's, almost painfully. There was a moment of unwillingness, of reluctance, and Axel was just about to pull away when Roxas dropped his hand and fisted both hands in Axel's shirt, holding him close and bruising his mouth with his kiss.

A little painful, but mostly enjoyable. Roxas had always been rough. Groaning, Axel slid one hand around him, dipping into the waistband of his jeans to cup his ass, and aligned their hips to rub together.

And that, apparently, had been going a little too far, because Roxas sprang back so suddenly and violently that he tripped into the bath tub.

"Shit," Axel said, reaching for him. Roxas batted him away with surprising force, but Axel growled and insisted. As soon as he had him on his feet, Roxas shoved him away and ran for the door.

He tried to catch up with him, but Roxas was too fast for him, despite his hospital stay and Axel's naturally longer legs. _If only I'd given up smoking sooner_ , he thought, wincing at the stitch in his side. When Roxas hopped a fence and tore off through a neighbor's yard, Axel just stood and swore at the tiny blond figure disappearing into the distance until the panic took over.

"Fuck," he said, digging his hands into his hair, and frantically tried to think of where Roxas would go. Not-delusional Roxas would have gone to Sora's or Naminé's, so Axel ran back to the house (with an embarrassing stop to brace his hands on his knees and breathe for a little while) and grabbed Roxas's car keys.

It was a choice he made half out of comfort—the desire to be around something that smelled like him—but partly out of practicality, too. The bike was faster and easier to maneuver, but it was also loud and Roxas would know he was coming. With Roxas's current mental state, there was no telling how long he'd keep running, dodging him every time he heard the roar of the bike down the street. The car was a much better choice.

Axel had to find him.

 * * *

Roxas didn't know where he was going. He didn't know why his heart was racing, or why his cheeks felt hot, or why his legs felt weak. Running was something he had to do every day for hours at a time, through world after world, and it never affected him like this. And that still wouldn't explain why it had started as soon as Axel had touched his lips. And when he'd slid his hand down the back of his pants, something else had happened that made him feel like….

He shook his head violently, following his feet, and tried to push it from his mind. Wherever he was, everything about this world was strange. He'd never reacted to Axel like that before—except maybe the pounding, clenching feeling in his chest and his stomach, but he'd never gotten hard before. He didn't know what it meant, but it hadn't _felt_ like something that happened between friends.

Except in this world, they weren't friends. They were something else. More than partners.

But that wasn't the only strange thing. Sora, the Other he'd learned about, was here, but he wasn't fighting. Nothing made sense. Roxas just needed to get away for a while to think.

He ended up standing in front of a small blue house with white shutters and a white door. It was the kind of nondescript house he usually ignored (never any treasure in those types of houses), but somehow looking at it made him feel calmer. He walked up the steps, noticing a failed garden to the side. Somehow, that made him smirk, and he felt his body pushing the doorbell as though by muscle memory.

Seconds ticked by as Roxas reconsidered his decision. He'd never been in this world before, and while this house _felt_ familiar, it didn't look familiar. He was just about to leave when the door flung open and the boy from the hospital stood in front of him.

"Roxas!" he said, looking overjoyed, and leapt over the welcome mat to hug him. He clung to Roxas's shoulders and squeezed him so hard he actually lifted Roxas off his feet a little. Just when Roxas was about to turn blue and pass out, Sora released him and stepped back, grinning. "Does this mean your memories came back?"

Roxas had to catch his breath before he could answer. "No. I just…I don't know. I needed to get away." Memories of the stirring between his legs when Axel groped his ass made him blush, and he looked away.

Sora's eyebrows drew together. "But if you didn't remember, then how did you find me?"

Roxas didn't have an explanation for that. Luckily, he was spared the drama by another figure appearing next to Sora, this one tall and silver-haired and undeniably possessive. The silver hair was enough for Roxas to recognize him, even without the blindfold and the black cloak.

Instinctively, Roxas threw his arms to the side and flexed his hands, waiting for the comforting weights of the keyblades, but nothing happened. Startled, he looked down at his empty fists and tried again.

"Maybe you should come inside," Sora was saying, his arm around Roxas's waist. Riku was nodding and holding the door open.

And Roxas. Roxas was lost.

"I don't know what to do," he confessed, sounding torn and tormented even as he allowed himself to be herded inside Sora and Riku's house (and how bizarre did _that_ sound?) and seated on their plush blue couch. He grabbed one of the throw pillows and hugged it to his chest, his fingers trailing mindlessly through the frilly tassels on all four corners.

"Why don't you start by telling us what happened," Sora suggested. He pulled a well-worn afghan from the back of the couch and tucked it around Roxas's legs. Without looking behind him, he said, "Riku, go make us some hot chocolate, please."

Riku grunted and left the room. Roxas stared after him. The hulking figure that disappeared into what Roxas assumed was the kitchen seemed nothing like the Riku he'd encountered in The World That Never Was. Firstly, that Riku never took orders. And secondly…

"He looks weird," Roxas said with a thoughtful frown.

Sora folded himself onto the cushion next to him, tilting his head curiously. "What do you mean?"

He bit his lap and stared down at his hands, where his fingers were still clutching the throw pillow. He didn't know the specific word for it. The best way to describe it was to say there was just an aura of softness around Riku in this world. Not a bad kind of softness, just…

"He's unguarded," he said slowly, trying the word out on his tongue.

Strangely, Sora looked happy at that. He grinned so wide his teeth showed, making his eyes crinkle. "Yeah, I like to think he's comfortable. We're pretty happy together."

 _Together_. Flinching, Roxas curled into the couch and pulled the afghan higher up his body, drawing it around his shoulders. He refused to look at Sora as he asked, "Are you two…romantic life partners?"

"What?" Sora laughed, a surprised huff of air that caught them both off guard. "Romantic life—wow, that's the first time I've ever heard that. Umm, yeah, he's my boyfriend."

A voice boomed from the kitchen. "I can hear you talking, you know."

"We know, babe!" Sora called back over his shoulder. He winked at Roxas, chuckling.

Roxas shared none of the mirth. His fingers traced the grains of fiber on the pillow, focusing on the color and texture. He'd come here for a distraction, and yet here he was, steering the conversation back to the place he'd wanted to avoid. "That's what Axel said we were, too."

"Oh." Sora immediately looked serious. Scooting closer, he plucked the pillow away—Roxas's only defense, dammit—and leaned into his space to look him right in the eyes. "Is that what made you come here?"

His stomach flip-flopped at the memory. "No. He…" he trailed off, lifting a hand to touch his own lips. The phantom pressure of Axel's tongue inside his mouth gave him goosebumps.

"That perv." Riku appeared with two steaming mugs in his hand. He set one down in front of Roxas and handed the other to Sora. The top of the hot chocolate was almost completely covered in miniature marshmallows.

Blinking, Roxas raised his head and looked at Riku. "Perv?"

"Yeah. Classic Axel." Riku perched on the arm of the couch next to Sora and stretched out his arm along the back, fingers curling over Sora's shoulder. "Couldn't keep his hands to himself long enough for you to settle in or remember. He pushed you too far and you freaked out, right?" He snorted, reaching to pluck the mug of hot chocolate from Sora's hands, and blew on it before taking a long sip.

It was freaky how accurate that was. Was he that transparent, or did he and Axel really have that kind of history here? Deflating, he knuckled his eyes and fought down the urge to be sick.

Riku smirked. "I knew it. It's always the same with you two. You liked it, didn't you?"

"Riku!" Sora hissed, elbowing him. "He's been through a lot, okay? Be a little more sensitive."

"It's fine," Roxas said dully. "I did like it." There was no denying that. Axel's mouth had made him feel like he had no stomach, like his chest was going to implode. It had felt like the kind of adrenaline spike that usually only happened when he was fighting Heartless. It had been nice. And if he was being completely honest with himself, he kind of wanted to do it again.

That was the scariest part.

Riku was nodding along like he could possibly understand what Roxas was going through. He took another sip from the hot chocolate, then passed it back to Sora. The look on his face was utterly superior. Roxas kind of wanted to punch it off him.

"What?" he snapped.

Riku's eyebrows rose. "What do you mean, what?"

"Why do you look like that?"

Irritatingly, Riku started to smirk. "Because this is exactly what happened with you the first time."

He narrowed his eyes. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Riku laughed it off. "Don't worry about it. You'll be fine if you just stop thinking so much." Sliding off the couch, he squeezed Sora's shoulder and said, "I'll leave you two alone to talk or whatever. I'll be upstairs."

 * * *

Axel's phone rang. Axel didn't know the name of the song, but he knew it was obnoxious. He had chosen the ring tone for Sora specifically, despite the fact that it was kinda creepy to pick out a specific ring tone for your (maybe hopefully someday shut up) brother-in-law. It was loud and bright and drove him crazy half the time: the perfect representation of Sora.

He pulled the phone out of his pocket and flipped it open. "Yo. Kinda busy," he said, steering one-handed. The tiny bumps of the steering wheel passed under his knuckles as he made a left turn. It was comforting to feel the leather touching his skin, knowing this was something Roxas's hands had touched many times.

"I think you'll want to take the time to listen to this," said a voice that was very much not Sora's. It was Riku. Showing off their stupid lovey-doveyness again. All that 'I trust you completely' and sharing each other's phones and crap.

Axel wasn't jealous. Really.

"Then spit it out already." He pulled a rolling stop at the next stop sign. No cop, no stop. Back when he'd been trying to justify his law-breaking habits to Roxas, he'd thought about making a formula to calculate exactly how much time no cop, no stop had saved him in his life. Now he wished he'd done it so he could know exactly how much time potentially getting a ticket would save him in his search for his delusional boyfriend.

"Roxas is here," Riku said.

Axel's heart jumped. He forgot how to breathe and nearly dropped his phone. All this searching around their neighborhood, thinking Roxas wouldn't know where to go, and Roxas had somehow ended up at Sora and Riku's?

After a few unsuccessful attempts to speak, he finally managed to ask, "Did he call you? Did Sora pick him up or something?"

"Nope. He showed up all on his own." Even through the tinny distortion of the phone, Riku still managed to sound like a bastard. "You gonna come get him, or what?"

Axel did a few quick estimations in his head. He'd been driving around like a lunatic for half an hour, but he'd stayed pretty close to home. It would take ten minutes to drive back to the house, then another five to get to Sora and Riku's. If he drove the speed limit and made legal stops.

"Be there in ten," he grunted, then snapped the phone shut.

 * * *

The doorbell rang. Two loud chimes, followed by an impatient knock. There was a shadow in the window.

Instinctively, Roxas leapt off the couch and hid behind it. His eyes were puffy, his nose was snotty, and his hair—well, that looked the same, actually, but the rest of him looked like shit. There was only one person who could be at the door with that kind of timing, and Roxas was _not_ ready to face him yet. Or maybe ever.

Footsteps beat down the stairs. "I'll get it," said Riku. Roxas hunched behind the couch and willed his keyblades into his hands in vain.

Still nothing.

The door opened and the smell of Axel's shampoo blew in. "Where is he?"

"Right here," Sora said. He was standing next to Roxas's hiding spot.

 _Traitor_ , he thought and scowled at the side of the couch. He held out his hand and shut his eyes, concentrating on making a portal out of this place.

Still fucking _nothing_.

"Umm, what are you doing?" Sora asked him.

"Trying to leave," he snapped.

"Oh. I see." It was obvious from his tone that he didn't actually see.

"Roxas." That was Axel again, sounding desperate and regretful. Roxas groaned, already knowing he was going to give himself up, and slowly pushed himself to his feet.

Crossing his arms over his chest, he glared at Axel and said, "What do you want?"

"Thank fuck you're okay," Axel breathed. Swiftly, he crossed the room and gathered Roxas into his arms, ignoring Roxas's frantic heel-stomp and elbow to the stomach.

"Get off of me!"

Axel tightened his grip and buried his face in Roxas's hair. His warm breath puffed against Roxas's scalp gently. "No way. You scared the shit out of me. I thought I was going to find you in a gutter somewhere."

"I can take care of myself." Gathering his strength, Roxas grabbed Axel's forearms—absolutely _not_ noticing the subtle cords of muscle there—and flipped Axel over his head in a move even Lexaeus would have been proud of. Behind them, Sora gasped as Axel lay wheezing on the floor, and Riku let out a long, low whistle.

As Roxas looked at Axel groaning and clutching his stomach, he felt a strange sort of regret. Except regret wasn't really the right word. It was a pang just below his ribcage that made him kneel next to Axel before he was even aware of what he was doing. Almost involuntarily, he touched Axel's shoulder and squeezed it. "Next time, when I tell you to let go, _let go_."

Axel coughed and managed a weak grin. "Can't make any promises. You're sexy when you're mad."

A sensation like hot lava flowed from his chest to his stomach. He jerked his hand away, ignoring the heat in his cheeks, and snapped, "Don't say stuff like that."

"Can't help it." Wincing, Axel sat up and cracked his neck. "Didn't know you had it in you, short stuff. You been watching professional wrestling when I'm not looking?"

Roxas stared blankly.

"Right. Gonna take a while to get used to you not getting pop culture references." He dragged himself to his feet, grunting.

"Pop culture," Roxas echoed, confused.

"It's—ah, whatever, you'll figure it out." Axel popped his back and shook himself. "Much better. You okay?"

"Him?" Riku scoffed. "He's not the one who just got taken down by a guy half his height. Are _you_ okay?"

Roxas jumped—he'd momentarily forgotten there were other people in the room. At this point, it was impossible for his face to get any redder without rupturing anything, but he was still embarrassed. He quickly averted his eyes.

"I'm fine," he muttered. Axel wasn't any easier to look at than Riku, so he stared at the floor. Gray carpet with a poorly cleaned stain. It was pink. In previous days he would have thought it was blood, but he was beginning to realize that was a rare occurrence in this world.

This world. His world, now.

Suddenly all the anger drained from him, like someone had sapped all his energy straight from his bones with a syringe. The reminder of being plucked from his comfort zone and dropped somewhere new and scary was still too much for his frazzled nerves to handle. He deflated, shoulders slumping, and looked tiredly at Axel. "I'm ready to go home now."

In more ways than one, but he knew there was only one place he'd actually be going, and he'd have to get used to it.

"Praise the lord," Axel said with exaggerated finger-wiggling. He dropped his hands when he saw Roxas was decidedly not amused. "Right, probably not the time for jazz hands. Shall we go?"

Roxas dodged the hand Axel tried to put on the small of his back, stopping in front of Riku and Sora. Well, Sora, really. It seemed there were some things that didn't change no matter what world he was in; he still hated Riku's stupid smug face.

"Thanks for—um, whatever," he said to Sora, pointedly ignoring Riku's grin. "I'll try some of that stuff we talked about." It had mostly touchy-feely bullshit about getting in touch with his inner feelings, but some of it had been helpful, like learning to accept and enjoy the world exactly the way it was. He hadn't exactly told Sora he'd come from another world, but he'd confessed to not recognizing enough things that Sora had eventually steered the conversation towards radical acceptance.

Sora responded by throwing his arms around Roxas's neck and hugging him so tight it made his back pop. "You're welcome. Thank you for showing up." As he pulled away, he cupped Roxas's cheek and grinned at him. "I knew you couldn't forget me."

"Umm, yeah." He peeled Sora off him. "I may not remember much, but I'm pretty sure I'm not a hug person."

Sora laughed. "You aren't, but sometimes I just can't help myself."

"I can see that." Despite himself, Roxas started to smile. He waved to Sora, stuck out his tongue at Riku, and descended the steps to where Axel was waiting by the—

"That's…not the motorcycle," he said cautiously.

"Nope." Axel tossed the keys in the air and caught them with a grin. "Thought you might appreciate the car for a change. It's yours, you know."

No, he didn't know. Obviously. He circled the car—a small white affair with dents and a missing door handle—and made a face. "So you're saying you could have picked me up from the hospital in this instead of making me ride that monstrosity?"

"Well, if you want to be technical, yes." Axel shrugged and offered him a sheepish but still unrepentant grin. "Sorry?"

"Whatever," he snorted, reaching for the car door.

"Roxas," Riku called abruptly from the doorway. Roxas blinked at him over his shoulder, and Riku continued, "You'll be fine. Just give him a chance."

A piece of heartwarming advice from a very un-heartwarming person might have been enough for Roxas to handle, but then Riku _winked_ , too, and that was just taking it too far. Without really knowing what it meant, he flipped Riku his middle finger and got into the car, slamming the door so hard the frame shook.

Axel followed gingerly, shutting the door so softly it was nearly inaudible. The keys dangled from his hands as he looked at Roxas. "Um."

He kicked the dashboard and sank into the seat, pouting. "Don't say anything. Just drive."

For a moment, Axel sat in silence, just watching the side of Roxas's face. Then he grinned, turned the key in the ignition, and revved the engine. "Same old Roxas," he said and peeled unceremoniously out of the driveway.


	4. Chapter 4

They were silent all the way to the apartment, all the way into the living room, until Roxas stopped in the middle of the rug and crossed his arms, an unmovable block of stubbornness.

"Before you come any closer, we need to set up some rules," he said.

Axel stopped short, frozen mid-stride. "Ummm. Okay?"

"Good," Roxas said. Then he hesitated, because he hadn't actually expected Axel to agree and didn't know what to say next.

Axel raised his eyebrows. "Well?"

"Right." Roxas cleared his throat and held up his index finger. "Rule number one. No kissing me."

To his credit, Axel looked appropriately chagrined, hunching his shoulders up to his ears. "I didn't think you'd freak out like that, you know."

"Doesn't matter. No kissing. In fact, rule number two…" He paused and took a deep breath to steady himself. "Rule number two is just no touching."

Blanching, Axel took a step toward him and said, "Rox, come on, be fair. At all? Like, I can't even pat you on the back?"

"No." Roxas's chest ached, which was weird, because that kind of thing had never happened to him before. He rubbed it through his shirt and glared. "And how about _you_ be fair? This is a lot for me to take in, asshole. You'll have to wait until I'm comfortable enough to—well, to do whatever. Maybe nothing."

"Jesus." Axel ran his hands through his hair, tugging at fistfuls of bright red strands with clear frustration. "Okay, fine. We'll go at your pace. Any other rules?"

"Ummm." The more Axel agreed, the more deflated Roxas felt inside. If he thought about what he wanted, all he really wanted to do was sleep. "Stay on your side of the bed."

Axel raised his head. Surprisingly, he was wearing a smirk. "Isn't that part of rule number two?"

"You don't have to touch me to be on my side of the bed. I like a lot of room when I sleep, thank you very much." He shrugged out of the hoodie he didn't remember putting on, threw it on the couch, and headed toward the bedroom. He accidentally opened the bathroom door and the linen closet before he found the right room.

Behind him, Axel looked at him with intense melancholy. "I can't believe you've really forgotten everything."

"I don't think I ordered a side of guilt with my nap," Roxas mumbled, throwing himself onto the bed face-first. The mattress was too soft, the blanket too cozy. It was nothing like home at the castle, and yet when he inhaled the scent of fabric softener and shampoo on the pillow case, he instantly felt safe.

Axel sighed regretfully, lingering by the door. "Right, sorry. I just—"

Roxas waved him off. "You just nothing. I'll get there on my own time— _if_ I get there—and you'll just have to wait."

For several seemingly endless seconds, Axel stood by the door, breathing softly, before he finally said, "Okay. I'll wait for you," and gently shut the door.

* * *

"I like the way your hair smells," Roxas confessed later that week, a barely-there mumble as he was falling asleep. Despite his drowsiness, his face immediately turned red.

Over the past few days he'd been sneaking into the bathroom just to smell Axel's shampoo, to feel the way the scent made his heart lurch. Since the enforcement of his no-touching rule, his heart had been doing that a lot less often, and he kind of missed it. While smelling the scent straight out of the bottle was nice, actually smelling it _on_ Axel was even better. It made his stomach flip and his heart skip a beat—and somehow, in this world, he definitely had a heart. There was nothing else to call the muscle in his chest currently going crazy. He'd always known that if there was something inside there, then he'd be able to feel it, and he was definitely feeling it.

Axel was lying on his side in his—their— _the_ bed, one hand propping up his head as he looked at Roxas, obediently taking up exactly half of the bed. His gaze was almost predatory, but that was fairly normal for Axel, even in the World that Never Was. Actually, Roxas was noticing that a lot of things in this world were the same as his home world. He was even starting to wonder if this _was_ their world and they'd finally achieved Kingdom Hearts. Nobody knew what was supposed to happen when they achieved Kingdom Hearts except that they were supposed to get hearts—and now they were all here, living lives of their own and not just shadows of someone else's. It made sense.

That was his favorite theory at the moment, even though he couldn't remember anything past Castle Oblivion. But he couldn't remember getting in a skateboard accident, either, and that had certainly happened—he was still wearing the hospital bracelet to prove it.

"You picked out my shampoo," Axel said, grinning. He reached out one hand to card through Roxas's hair, and Roxas permitted it only because he was too tired to argue.

This was progress. He was adjusting. And if he was being completely honest with himself, he liked the lazy, spiraling feeling in his stomach whenever Axel touched him or looked at him like that. It was like now that he had a heart he was programmed to react like that to everything Axel did.

"I'm nervous about tomorrow," he admitted, because now he felt things like nervous and scared, along with other things like warmth and affection. He buried his face in the pillow as he spoke because he also felt things like embarrassment, and his cheeks burned against the cool cotton case while he scowl-pouted into it.

"Your parents?"

Roxas nodded, frowning harder at the thought of having _parents_. It had been one hell of a blindside when Axel had told him his parents called and were coming to visit in the morning. The shock hadn't really settled in until Axel had properly explained what parents _were_.

Apparently in this world there were people who made him, raised him, and "loved" him. He wasn't sure how to feel about that yet. On one hand, he'd gotten along fine without them in Castle Oblivion, but on the other…

"They're just happy you're alive," Axel said. He traced his thumbs over Roxas's cheekbones and scooted closer. "I mean, shit, you hear your son's been in an accident and you drop everything. I think they still feel guilty they weren't here when you woke up."

"Do they…" He bit his lip, wondering how to phrase it. "Do they know about my…?"

Axel fidgeted. "Your, uh, amnesia?"

Nice way of putting it. Roxas distinctly remembered overhearing Vexen call it a delusion. That ass.

But Axel was being merciful, so Roxas played along. "My amnesia, yeah. Are they going to be sad that I don't remember them?"

"Of course they'll be sad," Axel said, running his hand through Roxas's hair. His eyes were dark with emotion. "I was sad, too. But it's better to have you here to make new memories than to…well, you know."

"Than to not have me at all," he finished knowingly. After a moment's hesitation, he leaned into Axel's touch, never breaking eye contact. But because he was Roxas, he couldn't let it go without saying something sassy. "I feel like I should remind you that you're currently in violation of rules number two and three."

Axel grinned. "I'm about to be in violation of rule number one if you don't stop looking at me like that."

His muscles stiffened but he didn't pull away. "I'll look at you however I want to and you'll just have to deal with it."

"I think you want me to break rule number one," Axel said, but it was soft, questioning. The words were in his eyes as he looked at Roxas: _can I kiss you_?

This was it, this was it, this was it. Axel's breath ghosted against his lips. Axel was going to kiss him again, and Roxas was giving him permission. He wasn't going to freak out or run away or wish he was in Castle Oblivion; he was going to shut his eyes and enjoy it.

"Okay." His eyes slipped shut and he tipped his head back, waiting.

Axel did not disappoint him.

His touch was gentle at first, just his hands on Roxas's face, strangely familiar. Then his lips traced where his fingers had been, burning hot, until they came to hover over Roxas's mouth. And then he kissed him, and Roxas's toes curled. It was as good as the first time, except now Roxas knew what the feelings in his chest and the stirring between his legs meant.

He wasn't an idiot. He had eyes. He saw what Sora and Riku were like, how they talked to each other. And he'd been spending a lot of quality time with the TV while Axel was at work which opened his eyes to things like sex and love. They were equally scary, but somehow, when he thought about them with _Axel_ , they didn't sound so bad at all.

His body remembered what his mind couldn't. How to hike Axel's shirt up along his spine, how to lock his legs around Axel's waist, how Axel liked it when he panted his name in his ear when the feelings were just too much. And when his body couldn't remember, Axel did it for him, easing him onto his back, propping his hips up with a pillow, kissing his sweaty hair.

It felt better than it looked on TV, and he thought that was because it was with Axel.

"Did I ever tell you that I loved you?" Roxas asked afterward as they lay in a tangle on one side of the bed, neither one willing to compromise and sleep in the wet spot.

"No." Axel's chin bumped his shoulder, his breath warm against his neck. "You didn't have to."

Swallowing, he turned his head, his lips bare inches from Axel's. "Did you ever say it to me?"

Axel's eyes, so green, even in the darkness, were tender. "All the time. Do you want to hear it now?"

Roxas nodded.

"I love you, Roxas."

His heart skipped a beat. Numb fire spread through his extremities. There was even a little tingle in his toes.

"I think," he said, rolling so he could lie on top of Axel while still looking into his eyes, "that part of me already loves you, and the rest of me is starting to."

It wasn't a perfect answer, but, judging from the look on Axel's face, it was good enough for now. Axel combed back Roxas's bangs with his fingers, his thumb resting on his cheekbone, and smiled like he was seeing him for the first time.

"Thank you. Now get some sleep, punk."

As Roxas fell asleep with his cheek on Axel's bare chest, Axel's heartbeat reverberating in his ear, he found he wasn't nervous anymore.

 * * *

Mrs. Harada was a short, plump woman with the same big blue eyes she'd given to both of her sons. She was more like Roxas in that she shared his blonde hair, but the dramatically concerned face was all Sora. So was her voice.

"Oh, my baby," she wailed, all theatrics, and practically threw herself upon her youngest son. (Only by fifteen minutes, Roxas liked to remind everyone. Or at least, he used to like to remind everyone.)

Roxas's reaction was a lot like his old reaction. He stiffened, looked at Axel in alarm, and gave his mother three solid pats on the back. Then he cleared his throat. "Umm, hi. How are you?"

Pulling away, Mrs. Harada took a proffered tissue from her husband (who was tall, tan, and brunet) and dabbed at her watery eyes. "How am I? How are _you_?! I called but the doctors wouldn't tell me anything, even though I'm your _mother_. They said they couldn't give out confidential information over the phone, those bastards. We drove all night to see you after your father got off work."

"Umm," Roxas said again. His eyes were wide and scared, and he kept giving Axel sidelong glances that screamed, _help me!_

Axel, being an asshole, leaned against the wall and smirked.

"It's good to see you," Mr. Harada said. His smile was small and grim, almost sad, but his eyes were kind. He seemed acutely more aware of the situation than his wife.

"You too," Roxas mumbled. Mr. Harada shook his hand in a firm grasp.

Oblivious to their moment, Mrs. Harada blew her nose and continued blustering on. "Have the doctors said anything about when your memory will return, dear? Do you think you'll be able to go back to school next semester?"

School. Fuck. Axel hadn't mentioned that part yet.

Understandably, Roxas gave his mother a blank stare and said, slowly, "Next semester?"

Despite rule number two, Axel slipped a comforting arm around Roxas's shoulders and said, "I'll take care of it."

But the rules didn't really apply after last night, he guessed. After falling asleep naked, limbs completely entwined, Axel putting his arm around him wasn't even a blip on the radar.

"Thank you, dear," Mrs. Harada said, still sniffling, and patted Axel's arm. Roxas should have been surprised that his mother and Axel already knew each other—and got along, apparently—but somehow he wasn't.

His parents took them to a nice dinner at a seafood restaurant by the beach. Roxas spent most of it staring out the window at the ocean while they talked over his head about pop culture references he didn't quite get yet. Periodically throughout the meal Axel would put his hand on Roxas's knee and smile at him.

"I'm _so_ happy to see you two are still getting along," Mrs. Harada said, beaming. "When we heard the news, we weren't sure what would happen, but just look at you!"

Axel's fingers crept mischievously along Roxas's inner thigh. "Same as always," he said.

Roxas was too distracted to do anything more than squeak.

"Well, it's a huge relief. I feel so much better knowing Roxas is in good hands." Dabbing at her mouth with a napkin, she turned her attention to her husband and said, "Should we be going soon, dear? We still have to stop by Sora's."

Mr. Harada sighed, pulling out his wallet and laying munny on the table. "I suppose you're right." He looked at Roxas and smiled. "It's good to see you, son. You too, Axel."

They all rose from the table and exchanged hugs, Roxas more awkwardly than the others. He let his mother kiss his cheek and fuss over him one last time, gave his father a final farewell handshake, and then was left standing with just Axel.

"Could have been worse, huh?" Axel piped up after a while.

Roxas glanced up at him and shrugged. A smirk slowly crawled across his face. "Might've been a little easier to concentrate if _someone_ hadn't been breaking the rules."

Chuckling, Axel took out the car keys—Roxas had insisted he wasn't _quite_ up to dealing with the motorcycle yet—and began walking toward the parking lot. "I don't recall there being any rules about playing footsie at dinner with your parents."

"That wasn't footsie. That was crotch tag."

Axel waggled his eyebrows. "And now you're it."

No reply. Roxas waited until they were in the car, buckled and pulling out onto the road, and then casually reached over and groped the front of Axel's jeans. At Axel's startled yelp and incredulous stare, he only grinned and said casually, "Tag."

"Incorrigible," Axel muttered, but he was grinning back.

That was when Roxas knew everything would be okay. This world was different—parents, boyfriends, and brothers—but it wasn't bad. He could live here, and he could like it. He didn't know if he'd ever tell Axel about his memories, his _real_ memories, but when Axel looked at him like that, he didn't think it mattered.


	5. Epilogue

Axel grinned at the picture Roxas made in his yellow raincoat and galoshes, his backpack slung over his shoulder like a cross he was unwillingly made to bear. Mrs. Harada had a very similar picture hanging on her refrigerator of five-year-old Roxas and Sora decked out in raincoats for their first day of kindergarten. Hilariously, Roxas was wearing the exact same expression for his first day back at college—a disdainful scowl and severely furrowed brows, completely undermined by the brightness in his blue eyes.

"You look so cute," Axel cooed, holding up the camera. Roxas cringed away from the flash and covered his face.

"Stop taking pictures of me, asshole!"

"But you're sooo adorable!" Laughing, Axel snapped a few more pictures rapid-fire, leaving them both with black spots floating in their vision.

"You've blinded me," Roxas grunted, flinging his backpack to the floor. "Now I can't go."

"Don't even try," he said. He put down the camera and picked up Roxas's backpack, holding it out to him. His eyes softened. "I know you're worried about wasting away without me—believe me, I would be worried, too—but I'm sure you can get along without my stunning good looks and stellar wit for a few hours."

Despite himself, Roxas smiled. It was completely unabashed and unaware. "Shut up."

"That's my boy," Axel said. And then, because he couldn't help himself, he dropped the backpack, grabbed Roxas's chin, and kissed him. Slowly, deeply. He smoothed his thumb over the young curve of Roxas's jaw, nipping at his lower lip, and sighed as he pulled away. Roxas's eyes were still closed as Axel pressed their foreheads together and breathed.

Eventually, Roxas said, "Well, that was, um. Nice. What was that for?"

He flushed and looked away. "For good luck. Last time I let you off on your own you—"

"—ran away, I know," Roxas snorted. "I think we're past that point now."

Axel's throat tightened. "I wasn't talking about that," he said carefully. "I meant before that. When you…had your accident."

"Oh." He blanched. "I'm sorry. Sometimes I still forget."

"It's okay. Just be careful, will you?"

Roxas was quiet. Instead of one of his usual independent outbursts of _I-can-take-care-of-myself!,_ he got a faraway look in his eyes and smiled softly. "No matter how many times I leave, you'll always be there to bring me back."

"What?"

Roxas picked up his backpack and slung it on over his stupid raincoat, shaking his head. "It's something you said to me once. In my delusion, I guess." He stepped forward and pecked Axel on the lips. "But I'm pretty sure it's true, whether you said it or not."

The words echoed in Axel's ears. They sounded like something he would say.

He grinned, ruffling Roxas's hair, and said, "Brought you back this time, didn't I?"

And he would, every time, forever.


End file.
